Yesterday, I went to church for the first time in months. I don’t even remember the last time I went - it must have been at least three, possibly four, months ago. Between work and school, I just didn’t have any time or energy to wake up early on a day I didn’t really have to. That coupled with the fact that I was just going through the motions of what I was expected to do whenever I went, I just lost all desire for attending.
For whatever reason, about half way through reading break, I decided that I’d go this week. It just seemed right for some reason. But on Saturday morning, my mom suddenly had a big fit and totally chewed me out for anything and everything, including the fact that I hadn’t been to church in a long time. She demanded that I go this week. With that, I didn’t really feel like going anymore.
But Sunday morning, I changed my mind again. Earlier in the week, I’d planned on attending my home church, but didn’t feel like it after the argument the day before. Instead, I attended Tenth Avenue Alliance by myself.
Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t been for so long, but when I think of church, I think of a cold, uncomfortable sanctuary filled with mostly middle-aged upper-middle-class conservative Chinese evangelicals singing the same tired old songs week after week. It was surprising to see a more multicultural group of people, including a significant portion from a younger demographic, many of whom were bringing in coffee from their respective favourite cafés. Honestly, it just seemed so foreign to me for people to be bringing in food and drink into the sanctuary because it’s not done at my church. But now that I think about it, why not?
Singspiration felt eerily the same as at my home church, though different at the same time. Same because many of the songs were ones that I knew from my church, performed with the exact same arrangements. But at the same time, the atmosphere there was entirely different - it felt a lot more energetic and vibrant, like what they talk about actually has some real significance, unlike the sterile, stagnant faith that I’d come to know while growing up.
Overall, it’s hard for me to make any sort of conclusion on the experience because I have a lot of mixed emotions. I’ve been thinking about it a lot since then, but I haven’t been able to really sort out my feelings on it, which has been a common trend for me lately. I know I didn’t find the sermon particularly engaging, even though the pastor is an interesting character. I liked how the service didn’t feel slapped together piece by piece (e.g. 5 minutes allocated for singing, followed by 5 minutes of prayer, followed by a 30 minute sermon, etc.), though perhaps once I get used to the format, it might begin to feel that way again.
I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for right now. All I know for sure is that my home church really isn’t the right place for me. I think I’ll continue to attend Tenth for a while just to get a better feeling of what they’re about and then I guess I will take it from there.
I HATE it when parents tell you to do something you’re about to do. It’s like, “I’m still young, immature, and impressionable! Reverse psychology, dammit!”
I think it’s cool that you’re starting to go to Church again, and even better that it’s not at Fraserlands…cuz it would be a shame for the poor structure of the institution itself to turn you away from your religion…
I think you’ll eventually find a Church and congregation that suits you best wherever that may be
i didn’t know you were there! we usually go to the 9:30 service - so if you’re there and feel like sitting with us, we’re usually on the 2nd level. i’m glad you’re making the effort to try out different churches instead of letting the limited experience your home church has been so far dictate what the faith is really about.
It’s good to try out new churches. Especially because you can enjoy the anonymity without being pressured to commit yourself. I have been to over 4 churches if not more, and the more anonymity I get the better the experience. Seriously. I hated going with my parents because they always like to make it known to everyone there that we are new to the congregation…totally awkward. Anyway, thanks for the links you sent! Appreciate it.
Jellybean: I totally know what you mean. Maybe I’m just too prideful, but if I go to church, I want it to be my own choice rather than something forced upon me.
Iffer: Thanks for your support - I really appreciate it.
Mel: I actually went to the 11:15am service because I wanted to sleep in a little.
Though maybe I’ll aim for the 9:30am service this coming Sunday so I can see you guys.
Fran: I really like the anonymity factor too because it lets me experience things without fearing that somebody I know is judging me or watching me or something. But all the same, it would be kinda nice if somebody came to talk to me because I’m usually too shy to introduce myself. It feels nice when somebody notices that I’m new and makes me feel welcome.